How to Deal with Difficult Guests
Every dinner party, get together, or soiree has one - the guest you could do without! So what's the best method for dealing with them?
The Party Bore
They attach themselves to random strangers and launch into long and monotonous monologues about their jobs, health, children or pets. If you know one, don't invite them, and if you get stuck with one, get away quick before they decide you are their new best friend. The urgent need to call a cab, help in the kitchen, or answer your mobile phone that you can 'feel vibrating' in your pocket all make for good get-out clauses.
They wander from guest to guest, spreading tittle tattle or deliberately winding people up. The only way to silence them is to shame them - listen to their snippet then, with a steely gaze and a determined voice (that is loud enough to fill the room) tell them in no uncertain terms you are not interested in gossip and hearsay.
He or she will make sure all eyes are on them from the word go by arriving late or making an entrance, usually in a revealing or outlandish outfit. Their mission for the evening will be making sure the guests of the opposite sex have eyes only for them. If you are the party host, nip it quickly in the bud by proffering a neck-to-ankle length apron and a drinks tray and a plea for help. If you are their intended (and un-willing) victim show a complete lack of interest - staring over their shoulder, looking at your watch or asking if they know where the bathroom is should do the trick...
He doesn't care if you are married, attached or dancing cheek to cheek with your partner - the womaniser will march right on in and make his presence felt. From annoying slaps across the backside, to a creepy palm on your thigh as take your place at dinner, his slimy ways are completely intolerable. Deal with him swiftly and firmly - a terse "Could you give me some space, please" will be enough to make him back off on the dance floor, and a curt "Please remove your hand from my leg," should encourage an embarrassed retreat at the dining table.
They're loud, obnoxious and proclaiming to be your best friend. They tell you they love you then threaten to be sick in your lap. They're the blight of every party and formal occasion: the drunk. If it's a one off, you can forgive it. If it's the same guest exhibiting the same bad behaviour every time, there's only one solution: ask them to leave and strike them out of your contacts book. Make this party the last one they ruin!
The Attention Seeker
The attention seeker can be male or female, but their characteristics are fundamentally the same. They will turn up late, usually with some outlandish tale to accompany their tardiness. If it is fancy dress they will either arrive in normal clothes or something so outlandish it'd make Elton John blush. Their shrieks, laughter and general conversation will be heard throughout the venue. If you find them an amusing addition to your events, fine, keep on inviting them, but if their presence is starting to annoy, and their arrival is accompanied by whispers, of "Oh no, looks who's turned up..." you know that their time on your guest list should be coming to an end...